hes already been

IF YOUR UNDER TEN DO NOT READ.......
its a foregone conclusion on my part that you are a grown up human being to be reading this, i believe in Santa clause, their ive said it, how can i justify this you ask, well i cant can i, i am not a nut, well i might be be, but thats another story.
my belief in santa is no more than a personal observation of the human race around the portsmouth area (where i currently live), its just like the films currently showing on Christmas 24 (other channels are available )
people are a little kinder they smile a little more, (unless your in a queue at matalan ) (other stores of a controversial nature are available )
i think the following is a viable theory
santa comes around at the end of October with a thin  film of Christmas dust, this film is only absorbed by the few who are susceptible to the magic of Christmas,  ignoring the possible pagan rituals of Halloween and the man who wanted to alter the history regarding government.
he pops around again at the start of December with a concoction a little stronger than the last trip,whats the evidence of this i hear you ask, well you tell me, do the kids not get excited, are the company warnings of inappropriate behavior at the Christmas party  not circulating the e-mails or memos (for old fashioned people) are you not looking forward to the 25th December  (i am)
its now as my daughter calls it, Christmas eve eve, yes just 27 hours away from the golden hour (depending on where you are on this globe of ours),and i am excited, it could the the Glenmorangie (thanks sharon & arron) it could be the friends in the close dropping cards through the door, it could be sky bashing films at me, it could be ive got 5 days off, whatever the reason or cause its something special, something i believe is all down to the magic dust, go on prove me wrong (i wish you well and a very merry Christmas and a happy new year)

Killing me softly

When I first agreed to get a passport and travel I never imagined the benefits to my health that were on the way, Spanish weather is benifisal to my health I'm told, I didn't believe it, I will have to be they for years, oh how wrong I was, the atmosphere is dry even when it's raining, how contradictory is that, like someone who's just been to brother loves ,I walk fine, no hip back or neck problems ,what am I talking about then, we'll the down side is wifey likes to walk and walk and walk and look in the shops and walk some more, this leads to a very odd situation, we go all inclusive so it's seven days three rather nice meals a day and I have to admit more alcohol than the twenty one units a week recommended , just got back and for third holiday in a row I've lost over five pounds in weight, that's almost a stone that only leaves 39 more holidays and ill waste away, oh I should live so long

wot no broadband

Thursday 22nd march 2012, a day just like any other day, all was well in my world, it was 3:30 am a little early to rise even for me but hay ho,i made the first brew of the day sat down in front of the 42 inch monitor ( i know ive said that before) switched on and oh dear the routers gone haywire, that's it life as we know it has ended, no broadband, no fast repartee with life from other continents, no Facebook, twitter, or path, i have to rely on the phones 3g for the latest news from the four corners of this ever decreasing planet of ours, still i convince myself no problem, just reboot the routers firmware and i will be up and running in no time, how wrong was i, firmware upgrade failed, factory reset failed, claw hammer failed, new router required, the process of getting a new one   was to say the least frustrating, ten long days later i have it, gold dust in my grubby mitts, setting up the new router was a piece of cake,plug it in and away it went, well apart from the new pass word being put into 2 wireless receivers (sky anytime and smart tv, im such a gadget freak)three phones including my daughter who just loves to use my bandwidth when shes home,ipad and extra laptop (just in case).
i then got to thinking how many people have i laughed at with the very same predicament (boy do i love spell check) what on earth are they upset about, no broadband, their,s more to life than worrying about  internet access, uuumm i bet a few of you are thinking the same, do you remember 56k modems, e-mails two minutes each, audio files, ten minutes, video or as we ole folk say, films, took longer to download than cook eat and wash up two Sunday lunches, or a couple of trips to wetherspoons for the more affluent of you, but i digress again, video streaming, bbc iplayer 4 on demand, itv, sky go, tv catch-up,youtube, to name but a few,their for all with the wonder of broadband, the last router went for 61320 hours i wonder how long this one will last, right gotta go now time to listen to the omnibus edition of the archers, (i think i missed Tuesdays)for my foreign readers that is an everyday story of country folk, i love my broadband.

Old I'm not old

Fifty blah blah years ago i started a journey that was to take the rest of my life, a journey we all take, for some a journey that lasts no longer than a few minutes , weeks, or years, these short journeys will affect other journeys being made, but i digress.
in my teens i thought as we all do that i was immortal, getting old wont happen to me, the stomach cramps i had as a young boy had subsided into the occasional episode, not getting in the way of being a teenager, but i was convinced i would not grow old, 20s 30s 40s all gone and now  the fifty's are going down the pan faster than last nights vindaloo.
 latlely ive started to think maybe im getting old, the body wont do what i want sometimes, the back has decided i cant touch me toes any more, well not from a standing start, im still smoking much to my own disgust let alone yours, the weight is coming off but that's more to the diabetes than my own efforts, yes you heard correctly i am a diabetic, how you ask, old age says my diabetic nurse, (last week id never heard of them) who says im diabetic i ask , the NHS  that's who, give 2 blood sugar tests above the magic number of 7 and your trapped forever with the label diabetic, it doesnt matter how well you control it with diet your a diabetic, fine says i, staple the label on my forehead, tattoo my arse if you wish but" I AM NOT OLD", im just not as young as i used to be.
In the doctors waiting room i sat next to a young mother who was waiting to see the doc with a six week old baby daughter (how do i know this, i talked to her, i will talk to anyone) the baby was looking lovingly at her mum (as was i) and i realized this waiting room held the full spectrum of life, from this baby to the old lady with the walking wheels, with me somewhere in between, but in the upper end of the scale, im well past laying on my back looking at my mum while filling my nappy, ( nappy filling my well return one day) and certainly not ready for walking wheels or a zimmer frame, i know i will never play for England or run in the hundred meters but i will say it again I AM NOT OLD.

food for thought OR whats right whats wrong

my mate giant68 (another blogger) recently touched on a subject close to my heart, food or the love of it,  i like to think i can cook a bit, Indian  Chinese  English a little Italian and the odd paella, the food  people tell me is very nice, but how do i know, ive eaten in restaurants ,not very expensive or well known ones i admit, the price reflects on my ability to enjoy the food,
i follow recipes as do countless millions around the globe, i change them to my taste, leave out ingredients i don't like and add some i do. sometimes i find things work when they shouldn't like strawberry jam on steak (thanks to cousin David for that one) still cranberry sauce with turkey is Ok but i don't like it, Jamie tells me to cook it one way Delia another, Gordon yet a different f%&*ng way but my ways better to me (I think right or wrong).
some time ago i started taking pics of the food i eat (not cook) the better half thinks that's weird, but i found 2 other members of the family do the same, whats a little disturbing is we all drive lorries,

as you can see nothing special but its just as nice as anything else,    something else i have in common with 68 (im  allowed to call him that) is the ability to eat food at weird times, shift work will do that to you and yes ive also had a beer at half six on a Saturday morning, ( does wonders for getting rid of double glazing salesmen )

which brings me to wine, white for fish, chicken, rabbit ect red for dark meats, wines for main course, wine for dessert ect, personally i prefer red with every course and a beer on the side, whats right whats wrong.

i would take 68 to task on one point that he has got totally wrong, big mac, now that defies all the rules of good food taste, burger king bacon double cheeseburger, yummy yummy in my tummy.

only gone and done it

the holiday got off to a predictable start, me the wrong side of few scotches, as i mentioned on a previous post flying and i don't get on, well had a couple of hours sleep before leaving for the airport at 1:15 am,(oh yes i was the worse for wear) and although my daughters driving is fine her sense of direction is as good as her mothers, but i have to admit i did program the sat nav for her opppps, we arrived very early for the flight( note to self pre book seat places) coffee on the departure side did little for the nerves but i was resigned to my fate at that point, by the time of boarding i was feeling quite pleased with myself,apart from the long walk to the gate, rose (the wife) was chatting away Merrily and all i could hear in the back of my mind was...... dead man walking.
   seated and belted looking at the card of death (sorry i mean emergency procedure card ) a small problem was manifesting its self before my eyes, several fellow passengers were arguing about seats, i was slowly going nuts until the stewardess sorted the minor problem to anyone else, to me nearly the end of my holiday, i said to rose that's it i cant do this, well i saw a side of her i think i last saw nearly 20 years ago (but that's another story) i think she said" you will be fine", no no i remember now, she said" Bl***Y sit down and shut up "(her teeth are in good order)
4 double scotches later the world was whole new place no problems here even took the obligatory photo
out the window

the feeling of euphoria was wearing off a little by the end of the 16 hour fight (only 1:50 apparently ) but i was there i had done it (look at me ma I'm on top of the world)
 
the transfer to the hotel was 2 minutes   (yes i slept the entire hour and a bit ) checked in and had lunch the food was wonderful for whole holiday, people moaned but people will, well worthy of its 4 star rating

i have 3 real fears in life flying heights and snakes, fortunately no snakes on this holiday, but heights were, i had forgotten this part, we had asked for a low floor but it could not be guaranteed , the sun shined and the gods smiled down, room on the first floor although this was in fact the forth floor as we had -2 -1 B which was ground E C then 1 to 19 we had a small roof area in front of us which suited me fine.

going back to the food for a minute on the last day chef outdid the week a cold buffet to die for,

 staying on food you don't see this in many supermarkets in England, mind you the price is for whole hams,

food is a bit of a  Passion so its no surprise i went window shopping as we were all inclusive, you can get  anything from English breakfast for 2 euros to Spanish tapas from 1 euro with wine, we were a bit disappointed with the food at benidorm palace as the hotel food was excellent.

the highlight of the holiday for the both of us was the trip to peacock island 12.50 euros for boat ride along the bay out to the island and ride around the island in a sub boat 

the downside to the holiday was the rain on Friday , stair rods , cats and dogs, buckets, just doesn't describe the way the water came down, the photo shows water which in the centre of the path is around 6 inch's deep this was around 10 minutes into the deluge, by the time we decided to walk back to the hotel we were wading past our knees, still not as bad as a village outside of town where I'm sorry to say two people died as a result of of the flood.

we did have a daily cabaret show that was not the agenda, three guys repairing the hotel in front and if you look closely you will see they have done plenty

it wasn't until Friday afternoon that i realised i hadn't spent the entire week worrying about the flight home, as i had done 38 years ago, however i still had the 4 doubles on the way back, ......just in case

First ever holiday

First ever holiday

Well that's not exactly correct as you will see,many months ago I was sitting one Saturday or should I say sabado as we are going to Spain, anyway one saturday afternoon at the computer monitor (well actually it's a 42" wide screen but I digress

And brag) when my wife of 38 years and counting pipes up, "are you going to get those passports any year soon" yes of course I am I reply ( when he'll freezes over my mind replys oh so quietly) ( because she is a witch and can hear every thought as if it were sent to her as an SMS ) ,

You see I'm sooooooo afraid of flying, it's an erational fear as I have managed it 3 times when I was young well 20 , twice I was drunk and once drugged or was it the other way round I'm not sure, I kow it's erational as a few people do it every day ( reliable as ever google tells me 625000 at any one time are in the air) everyone tells me I am going to be fine I know that   More chance of getting hit by a car. I know that   Planes are safer than they ever were I know that as. Well   What I don't know is did my plane get a good service at halfords when it last went in , did it get hit by a car when it was parked up last night, is the fuel ok ( no red diesel I hope)

It is the wife's first holiday outside the uk ( we did go to jersey a couple of times but that's not abroad ) and I am doing my best to enjoy the moment but it is sooooooo hard to get in the mood, I'm trying to learn a few words of the local lingo, I was under the impression if you knew all the verses of viva espania that would do, but apparently not, I'm now told learn a few words you will get treated better, does the fact I'm paying for a  4 star holiday not mean I've already earnt enough brownie points to be treated like take that on tour ( on second thoughts no ) as the food is buffet (yes even at 4 star level) I'm not going to get a proper cooked egg, you know runny and wet as opposed to brown edged and a yolk you could put windows in with, I'm digressing again

I'm not alone in the fear, there is whole host of famous people including David Bowie, Doris day, whoopi Goldberg , Rtchie valens, although in ritchies case it was justified he died in the crash with buddy Holly and the big bopper , statistics will tell you deaths in 1972 was 3214 in 2010 that figure had dropped to 130, I still don't feel any better.

However the fear of flying doesn't get close to the fear of my misses when she gets something in her head, so I'm going to do it, it will be safer than staying at home ( I HOPE)